I get asked this a lot... And today is a good day to answer that question.
5 years ago today...
My Husband and I faced the biggest challenge we have yet to face, and I hope it's the hardest we ever have to face...
5 years ago today we held our sweet angel boy Broc for the FIRST and LAST time on this Earth.
On Friday April 29, 2005 I was 37 weeks pregnant with our first little boy, we were SO excited!
I woke up that morning feeling contractions but by 10:30 I realized I hadn't felt him move.
I didn't panic. (I'm not a worrier)
I just took the day slowly, by 5:30 I decided to call the nurse...
I didn't hear back from her until 6:30,
when I told her what was going on, she suggested I go to the hospital and get checked out.
So off we went...
That night I heard something that I hope to never hear again,
"Jessica, I am so sorry."
In that instant I knew he was gone.
Broc Christopher Mandile
April 30, 2005
He was perfect.
He is perfect.
And that is why he is gone.
He is too perfect for this earth.
I must admit, I'm jealous.
He will have no trials.
He will have no saddness.
He will have no fears.
i'm jealous.
He is HAPPY.
He is PERFECT.
He is OURS.
I can't wait to hold him again one day.
Families Are Forever.
So why am I telling you about him?!
Because HE is the reason I am a Photographer.
When I was 32 weeks pregnant, I had Maternity pictures taken.
I remember people thinking that was weird.
It was still the "new" thing to do.
I'm so thankful I did them.
Then I have the pictures of my perfect baby boy.
That my sweet friend that took my maternity pictures touched up for me.
She made them perfect.
Just. Like. Him.
And my DEAR friend Melanie, who took my Maternity pictures, and touched up the ones of Broc.
Came to the funeral to take pictures.
I cherish
every. single. one.
Pictures are all I have to remind me of my sweet boy.
Pictures.
this is my Dad... one of my favorite pictures of all time!
And that is why I am a Photographer.
I want to make sure families have pictures to remember all the times in their lives.
In the end,
sweet baby noises will be forgotten
silly things kids say, sadly we won't remember
your wedding flowers will be dead
and you'll forget the feeling of your Grandma's hands.
But if we have pictures of all of that, we'll remember.
I promise you that.
For me, 5 years ago, feels like yesterday.
Because I have pictures to remind me of the emotions.
I'm so grateful for that.
I hope I give that to every family I photograph.
That is why I am a Photographer.
If you'd like to hear Broc's story in more detail, I'm always willing to talk about him! Just ask!! Ü
5 years ago today we held our sweet angel boy Broc for the FIRST and LAST time on this Earth.
On Friday April 29, 2005 I was 37 weeks pregnant with our first little boy, we were SO excited!
I woke up that morning feeling contractions but by 10:30 I realized I hadn't felt him move.
I didn't panic. (I'm not a worrier)
I just took the day slowly, by 5:30 I decided to call the nurse...
I didn't hear back from her until 6:30,
when I told her what was going on, she suggested I go to the hospital and get checked out.
So off we went...
That night I heard something that I hope to never hear again,
"Jessica, I am so sorry."
In that instant I knew he was gone.
Broc Christopher Mandile
April 30, 2005
He was perfect.
He is perfect.
And that is why he is gone.
He is too perfect for this earth.
I must admit, I'm jealous.
He will have no trials.
He will have no saddness.
He will have no fears.
i'm jealous.
He is HAPPY.
He is PERFECT.
He is OURS.
I can't wait to hold him again one day.
Families Are Forever.
So why am I telling you about him?!
Because HE is the reason I am a Photographer.
When I was 32 weeks pregnant, I had Maternity pictures taken.
I remember people thinking that was weird.
It was still the "new" thing to do.
I'm so thankful I did them.
Then I have the pictures of my perfect baby boy.
That my sweet friend that took my maternity pictures touched up for me.
She made them perfect.
Just. Like. Him.
And my DEAR friend Melanie, who took my Maternity pictures, and touched up the ones of Broc.
Came to the funeral to take pictures.
I cherish
every. single. one.
Pictures are all I have to remind me of my sweet boy.
Pictures.
this is my Dad... one of my favorite pictures of all time!
And that is why I am a Photographer.
I want to make sure families have pictures to remember all the times in their lives.
In the end,
sweet baby noises will be forgotten
silly things kids say, sadly we won't remember
your wedding flowers will be dead
and you'll forget the feeling of your Grandma's hands.
But if we have pictures of all of that, we'll remember.
I promise you that.
For me, 5 years ago, feels like yesterday.
Because I have pictures to remind me of the emotions.
I'm so grateful for that.
I hope I give that to every family I photograph.
That is why I am a Photographer.
If you'd like to hear Broc's story in more detail, I'm always willing to talk about him! Just ask!! Ü
8 showin' the love...:
You need to put this on your main blog, it is written beautifully! I was and still am so proud of you and Brian!! You handled, and handle everything that comes your way together, I pray you can always continue to do that!!!! ;)
I am off to share some "grandma love" with Broc right now.... I'll send pictures.
Love you sweetie!!
so many loves!
xx!
Natalie
what an amazing story! and so beautifully written! I can tell you are one amazing woman!! thank you for sharing it with us! He IS perfect!
Thanks for sharing your story. Your little Broc is beautiful! My son, Carter, would've been 5 this year in January - he was stillborn at 35 weeks. Funny how our little angels move us to help people. A few years ago, I worked in my state to get a law passed to provide birth certificates to parents of stillborns. I did it in his name.
Keep taking pictures! Hugs to you!
MISSing our angels always.
This is so beautifully written. Thank you for sharing! The picture of your dad touching the casket, really touched me.
Got to your blog from Becky Higgins.....
I am so touched by this. And I can absolutely relate. I lost twin boys at 24 weeks. I only had a disposable camera bought at the hospital gift shop, and we used that to take many pictures of my sweet, perfect boys. MANY pictures. Pictures of them with their family who loved them. And, we took pictures at the funeral. Several. And I am so glad I did. I want to remember they were here, even if only for a short time. You are right....they were TOO perfect to be here in this world. Isn't that humbling as a mother? To think of Heavenly Father choosing US to be moms to these perfect angels? Really, a very lovely thought.
I love your pictures. Your son is perfect. Beautiful. And the picture of your dad....breathtaking.
You have a lovely family. I went on to have another set of twins just 11 months later (they were early as well, but strong!! They are now almost 13). I also had another daughter after that. And I've love teaching them about their angel brothers!!
You can read about my experience here. http://thechasegang.blogspot.com/2008/09/i-remember.html As hard as it was, it was one of the greatest experiences of my life. It has made me who I am.
Your pictures are beautiful. What a gift you have.
My friend recently lost her 3 1/2 year son and "Now I lay me down to Sleep" took photos of him and the family for them. It was the first time I heard of them - what a terrific organization. I can't tell you how much she and her family appreciate those photos. What a beautiful thing you do and a celebration of your son.
Came across your blog today... Not sure how... I wanted to thank you for sharing such a personal story. It brought tears to my eyes. Your work is beautiful.
Kim
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